Avast, Nottingham Landlubbers.
Today, Tuesday 19th September, be International Talk Like A Pirate Day ‘n whilst ye be hoistin’ th’ main sail (‘n havin’ yer literacy ‘n maths lessons in school) why nah give th’ pirate lingo a go, like me – Captain Nottsbeard!
Wit’ today bein’ such an important day in th’ pirate calendar ‘n in an attempt t’ stave off scurvy, we’ve collected our favourite jokes fer all ye mini-mariners out thar.
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates.
Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
Q: What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg.
Q: Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
A: Right where ye left him.
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye!
Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the ‘p’.
Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
A: Because he was standing on the deck.
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R and the seven C’s
This weekend is Heritage Open Day, which gives you free entry to loads of brilliant museums and heritage centres across the UK. This includes many places in Nottingham, which, along with Nottingham Mela, is making this weekend one of the most vibrant, diverse and cultural of the year! With this in mind we’ve created a list of some of the places you can go this weekend for free!
Want to visit Nottingham’s own Hogwarts? Well, Bromley House Library in the Old Market Square with its spiral staircases and leather-bound books is the place for you. You can head into Nottingham’s historic Lace Market for a range of events at Debbie Bryan as part of the Heart of Heritage event happening among the former factories and warehouses of Nottingham’s industrial revolution boom. The nearby Adams Building, another of our lace warehouses, is also open for you to explore.
Welcome back, Nottingham schools – boy, we have missed you! But now it’s school business as usual and we, and you – we hope, are raring to go for another year of learning. Welcome too, to those who are having their first days and weeks at school! You’ve quite the journey ahead of you!
Whilst the summer holiday is over, there is still loafs happening for you to do! September will see arts, cultural and community partners from across Nottingham launch South Asian Cultural Festival – the first of its kind anywhere in the UK. The month is a celebration of the culture and heritage of people from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh who have settled, flourished and contributed to the vibrancy of the city.
The Chinasuars are still on the prowl at Wollaton Hall and Lakeside with The Dinosaurs of China exhibition! This one-time only world exclusive exhibition of dinosaurs, featuring fossils never before seen outside of Asia, brings to life the story of how dinosaurs evolved into the birds that live alongside us today. It runs to 29 October. There are also dino-sleepovers at Wollaton happening, but for those of us who’ve been on the Wollaton Hall camps in Year 2, then this is old news!
You may have also seen that Nottingham is bidding to become the European Capital of Culture in 2023! You can find more info here and see what you can do to be part of or back the bid. It would be great to back up our UNESCO City of Literature status with us being a cultural capital for a year too!